Author 48
Location: NY
It all started with a wrong number.
Location: NY
Author 33
Location: NY
"Dr. Occure, you're needed in the lab! The experiment has gone horribly awry!"
Location: NY
Author 1
Location: NY
my evil doppelganger was on a murderous rampage!
Location: NY
Author 22
Location: NY
because we looked the same, the cops we trying to shoot me.
Location: NY
Author 5
Location: CT
But it is you they should have shot at. You, you terrible abomination!
Location: CT
Author 10
Location: VA
My only regret is that i didnt shoot you myself when i had the chance.
Location: VA
Author 34
Location: NY
chance. I should have. And I will.
Location: NY
Author 22
Location: NY
No matter what it takes, i will not give up!
Location: NY
Author 9
Location: NY
What am I saying...of course I'll give up.
Location: NY
Author 30
Location: NY
i started to cry like chief quimby hiding in a mailbox
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
with inspector gadget telling him to get da f back.
Location: NY
Author 19
Location: NY
run his momma said, otherwise you'll get caught with all them pills. Go west!
Location: NY
Author 10
Location: VA
He didnt run fast enough and got mixed up with all them characters from the docks.
Location: VA
Author 2
Location: NY
And at 12:40 am he got an annoying text message.
Location: NY
Author 13
Location: NY
at 2:00 am, he got another. so tired..
Location: NY
Author 13
Location: NY
at 2:00 am, he got another.. so tired
Location: NY
Author 33
Location: NY
He began to doze off.
Location: NY
Author 30
Location: NY
he didn't even notice when sally gave him an enema.
Location: NY
Author 13
Location: NY
which he normally takes great pleasure in
Location: NY
Author 30
Location: NY
sleeping until 3pm.
Location: NY
Author 5
Location: CT
what a loser!
Location: CT
Author 23
Location: NY
yeah, he had blown it for sure this time...
Location: NY
Author 49
Location: NY
but he knew there would be many more blows to time and many more times to blow.
Location: NY
Author 48
Location: NY
He decided he had to make a change.
Location: NY
Author 5
Location: CT
He started by rearranging the furniture. Then he got a haircut. He still wasn't satisfied.
Location: CT
Author 21
Location: NY
This was going to be the day things turned around.
Location: NY
Author 33
Location: NY
I knew from the way she was looking at me.
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
that night we would not get one minute of sleep.
Location: NY
Author 22
Location: NY
It was worth it the next day, though, when we saw what we accomplished.
Location: NY
Author 21
Location: NY
plished. It was the world's largest
Location: NY
Author 11
Location: NY
pig roast they had ever been to since
Location: NY
Author 21
Location: NY
the one at Diddy's ranch in 2006.
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
erspaniel.
Location: NY
Author 33
Location: NY
He had not changed his underpants in five days.
Location: NY
Author 21
Location: NY
A piece of Mc-cheese hung hesitantly from his beard.
Location: NY
Author 5
Location: CT
He woke up hours later, in a dark alley.
Location: CT
Author 22
Location: NY
'why are you crying?' the boy asked of the statue.
Location: NY
Author 11
Location: NY
when will this fucking thesis presentation be over?
Location: NY
Author 48
Location: NY
It's over when the bell sounds he hoped.
Location: NY
Author 23
Location: NY
which reminded him of his favorite saved by the bell episode
Location: NY
Author 19
Location: NY
the one where skreech finally got to kiss lisa.
Location: NY
Author 30
Location: NY
lisa thought she was kissing a ferret.
Location: NY
Author 1
Location: NY
or at least something that smelled like one.
Location: NY
Author 12
Location: NY
Even all the neighbors thought the smell was fairly exceptional.
Location: NY
Author 33
Location: NY
It reminded them of an over ripe tuna melt with brie
Location: NY
Author 30
Location: NY
. And we all know that it was a wheel of brie that shot jfk.
Location: NY
Author 22
Location: NY
or do we?
Location: NY
Author 9
Location: NY
He grabbed her hand, looked into her eyes, and they jumped from the plane.
Location: NY
Author 19
Location: NY
the ledge of lascivious lovers. They would never have to face the lackluster lanes of life ever again.
Location: NY
Author 48
Location: NY
They were immortal!
Location: NY
Author 12
Location: NY
But it turns out that immortality is overrated.
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
at least until they could find a way to keep people from eventually getting bored of existence.
Location: NY
Author 48
Location: NY
People who get bored are dumb.
Location: NY
Author 5
Location: CT
Though sometimes they're geniuses.
Location: CT
Author 53
Location: CA
Like that one time when they invented puppies encrusted with diamonds.
Location: CA
Author 2
Location: NY
kennels never had it so good.
Location: NY
Author 48
Location: NY
You have no idea.
Location: NY
Author 56
Location: NY
Our passion flowed like hot butter over steaming popcorn.
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
i never knew an innocent night at the movies could have come to this.
Location: NY
Author 1
Location: NY
i lost more than i knew.
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
and i knew more that i lost.
Location: NY
Author 22
Location: NY
But what is lost can sometimes be found.
Location: NY
Author 132
Location: CA
So he looked under the table to see if he could peer into the othe realm where it had been lost.
Location: CA
Author 115
Location: NY
and as he was searching for a glimpse of the o, he felt a sudden tap on his shoulder.
Location: NY
Author 104
Location: TX
"Mother! You've returned!" he gasped.
Location: TX
Author 100
Location: CA
And he reached for his pants as his girlfriend scrambled under the covers.
Location: CA
Author 168
Location: MA
His mother pretended not to notice his furtive movements as she gazed around the room.
Location: MA
Author 171
Location: PA
Gahered her thoughts at what she was seeing, just to realize
Location: PA
Author 168
Location: MA
that the decor had changed since she'd last visited. Clearly, her son had consulted a feng shui expert.
Location: MA
Author 115
Location: NY
her mother in law whom she so equally revered and despised was in town.
Location: NY
Author 160
Location: WA
she was the one who had forced her into the marriage, the one whose son was killed not long after, the one who was understandably domineering.
Location: WA
Author 177
Location: CA
But she had not managed to keep her son from the battlefield & it especually tormented her on rainy nights like this.
Location: CA
Author 49
Location: NY
The darkness of human reason. He decided
Location: NY
Author 33
Location: NY
to stop watching television and stop using the computer.
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
therefore stop living.
Location: NY
Author 10
Location: VA
As far as advice goes, "stop living" is some of the most radical.
Location: VA
Author 79
Location: SC
but i was willing to stop living if she would be able to survive.
Location: SC
Author 61
Location: IL
Did she want to survive?
Location: IL
Author 148
Location: SC
It was a question that taunted her.
Location: SC
Author 139
Location: CA
one that she thought she would never be able to answer.
Location: CA
Author 109
Location: NY
She ran to the door, peeked through the hole and saw
Location: NY
Author 68
Location: OH
a chasm 5 stories deep where her kitchen had been.
Location: OH
Author 182
Location: NJ
the the only thing recognizable was her stainless steel sink.
Location: NJ
Author 59
Location: GA
next, to it there were little objects that resembled old rose thorns.
Location: GA
Author 32
Location: NY
bud, Citizen Kane's symbol for his own raped innocence.
Location: NY
Author 178
Location: CA
He reminded himself to stay strong...that this was just another day..."But aren't they all?" he silently despaired.
Location: CA
Author 186
Location: TX
day before he had to face the inevitable. That he was really a woman wanting to be a man and years of confusion was finally coming to an end.
Location: TX
Author 91
Location: TX
That he was coward was something he did not want anyone to discover.
Location: TX
Author 184
Location: CA
however, she was bound to find out sooner or later the reason why he was never able to board that train.
Location: CA
Author 181
Location: TX
why he simply couldn't talk about his past
Location: TX
Author 160
Location: WA
he had to hide the fact that he was the last of the royal line.
Location: WA
Author 78
Location: PA
As a contingency he would of course be searching for his doppelganger, who was famous in an entirely different way.
Location: PA
Author 113
Location: CA
He was searching for something that would cause big problems in the future
Location: CA
Author 138
Location: CA
in the world such the loss of all means of human copulation for pleasure
üAmy
Location: CA
Author 166
Location: MD
all who seek to do good and be whole.
Location: MD
Author 1
Location: NY
but i am not one of those people.
Location: NY
Author 172
Location: NJ
who can just sit here with a pineapple on my head
Location: NJ
Author 148
Location: SC
Lyrics from that Pina Colada song keep seeping into my brain.
Location: SC
Author 177
Location: CA
That song makes me think of her the way a drug addict fondly remembers his first high.
Location: CA
Author 78
Location: PA
But it kind of feels like a Jon-Bon- Jovi-on-acid day anyway.
Location: PA
Author 97
Location: NY
all patriotism and cigarettes, horses and cattle hide.
Location: NY
Author 126
Location: MA
he's total swagger, but at least he can back it up.
Location: MA
Author 123
Location: NY
that's more than you could say for brother
Location: NY
Author 100
Location: CA
He never could hold his liquor.
Location: CA
Author 72
Location: CA
and tonight was no exception, it got ugly, and got ugly fast.
Location: CA
Author 22
Location: NY
this was no place for kids
Location: NY
Author 186
Location: TX
considering the sign on the door said "absolutely NO children". Good job we bought the cats, i said, and went in.
Location: TX
Author 12
Location: NY
But we're all children at heart, even the very elderly.
Location: NY
Author 151
Location: NY
i mean, pureed foods are the great equalizer.
Location: NY
Author 164
Location: CT
His cabinet was chock full of the stuff.
Location: CT
Author 143
Location: CA
All of it was precious to him, but the most important thing was his grandmothers ring.
Location: CA
Author 19
Location: NY
the pulmonary fibrosis.
Location: NY
Author 30
Location: NY
but nothing was as shocking as when bridezilla ate my face.
Location: NY
Author 100
Location: CA
After all, she had always maintained before that I was too salty.
Location: CA
Author 195
Location: OH
but now, as she looked at him, I could tell that her qualms about me had vanished.
Location: OH
Author 58
Location: NY
having another glass of wine, after having been drinking all day, dissipated. She stayed for one more until
Location: NY
Author 101
Location: NY
seemed like a good idea at the time.
Location: NY
Author 204
Location: NC
but now, as she realized the need and marinated shrimp had clouded her judgement, she suddenly wished for a time machine.
Location: NC
Author 127
Location: FL
At that moment, everything changed--things quickly came into focus.
Location: FL
Author 167
Location: CA
Everything leading up to it crystalized.
Location: CA
Author 118
Location: CO
Finally, the old woman knew what lay in store for her.
Location: CO
Author 148
Location: SC
Death held her hand.
Location: SC
Author 12
Location: NY
It held her hand and her foot.
Location: NY
Author 88
Location: PA
she fought his grasp with all her strength. Nonetheless she kept dwelling on the thought of cool ranch doritos. Their tang. Their brute force.
Location: PA
Author 79
Location: SC
but his love overtook her at last
Location: SC
Author 1
Location: NY
that is, if you call an incontinent chihuahua love.
Location: NY
Author 81
Location: NY
In any case it was about then that panic TRULY set in.
Location: NY
Author 122
Location: MA
Shaking hands, dry throat, the usual- it was time to cool out and think.
Location: MA
Author 66
Location: NY
moment or two and consider my position i only saw two avenues
Location: NY
Author 99
Location: WA
I could run away or I could full-bore sprint toward everything that mattered with cheetah force.
Location: WA
Author 96
Location: FL
It completely depends on what I expect at the finish line.
Location: FL
Author 128
Location: CA
but life is good when the finish line involves two kisses and the promise of enjoying the show that is a great hockey game.
Location: CA
Author 73
Location: GA
and a true love showing that they would give you the world with just one look.
Location: GA
Author 133
Location: NJ
a simple, silent nod as they held not just hands but eachother's souls as if their chance reunion was the only thing going on in the park.
Location: NJ
Author 78
Location: PA
Then together they jumped into the yawning void with their eyes wide open.
Location: PA
Author 102
Location: CA
Their souls collided in a quiet and unexpected embrace.
Location: CA
Author 130
Location: CA
It was the most meaningful human contact he had experienced since he left Boston.
Location: CA
Author 48
Location: NY
It was meaningful beyond words.
Location: NY
Author 134
Location: TX
But something was amiss .
Location: TX
Author 101
Location: NY
the room felt different than it usually did
Location: NY
Author 205
Location: CA
A chill permeated the space.
Location: CA
Author 125
Location: MA
It filled my every pore.
Location: MA
Author 66
Location: NY
a sense of euphoria washed over my spirit
Location: NY
Author 121
Location: OH
it was if i had always been meant to eat that sandwhich, and at last i had fulfilled my destiny.
Location: OH
Author 179
Location: CA
that moment i was so excited i neglected to see my dog jump up and snatch the sandwich right out of my hands
Location: CA
Author 113
Location: CA
and he licked me in the face
Location: CA
Author 215
Location: NY
and of course i enjoyed it.
Location: NY
Author 87
Location: OH
how could something so luscious not be so pleasing?
Location: OH
Author 58
Location: NY
Yet, the taste it left in one's mouth was pungent.
Location: NY
Author 165
Location: CA
based on Fido's expression, the horseradish on my sandwich was pungent too.
Location: CA
Author 65
Location: MI
rancid so I went to the cubbard to get some mustard...
Location: MI
Author 151
Location: NY
wondering why on earth i'd chosen to misspell cupboard in my mind.
Location: NY
Author 76
Location: WI
mission statement. It must have been a subconscious thing somehow associated with the guilt I carry from stuffing my dead aunt in a cupboard 5 years ago.
Location: WI
Author 196
Location: CA
Or so it seemed to one in a sleep deprived state of mind.
Location: CA
Author 195
Location: OH
perhaps if I hadn't agreed to go with them last night, the situation would be different, but as is, I had to deal with the problem.
Location: OH
Author 146
Location: OK
would have been better
Location: OK
Author 72
Location: CA
oooh yeah it would have been better.
Location: CA
Author 92
Location: TX
And so i said, give it back to me.
Location: TX
Author 211
Location: CA
Rachel could not keep it in any longer, she asked Samantha, "will you marry me?"
Location: CA
Author 59
Location: GA
"will u come with me, it will take some time"
Location: GA
Author 207
Location: CA
she went with him, with great hesitation, It would take her years to come to terms with this decision
Location: CA
Author 85
Location: CA
to say what she needed to say.
Location: CA
Author 154
Location: TX
but could not say because she was hiding a dark secret.
Location: TX
Author 165
Location: CA
A secret from her past that would explain why, now, her relationships can only be salvaged by tragedy.
Location: CA
Author 206
Location: CA
was taking a dramatic turn for the worse.
Location: CA
Author 145
Location: CA
It was beyond comprehension to realize that the one think that one thing that seemed stable in this life could disappear at any moment.
Location: CA
Author 82
Location: TX
could change everything was exactly what was occuring right now.
Location: TX
Author 57
Location: NY
And it was this perceived approaching singularity that sent shivers down his weakened, hunched spine. It was this that caused him to load his rifle,
Location: NY
Author 57
Location: NY
And it was this perceived approaching singularity that sent shivers down his weakened, hunched spine. It was this that caused him to load his rifle,
Location: NY
Author 57
Location: NY
And it was this perceived approaching singularity that sent shivers down his weakened, hunched spine. It was this that caused him to load his rifle,
Location: NY
Author 57
Location: NY
this is dumb and doesn't work for me
Location: NY
Author 62
Location: NJ
but i cant make myself stop, no matter what i do
Location: NJ
Author 172
Location: NJ
i love the way it feels i love the way it tastes
Location: NJ
Author 199
Location: MO
sometimes i simply hold it on my tongue, savoring the mingled sweet and sour.
Location: MO
Author 79
Location: SC
she was surpriesed since last time i spit it out all over her!
Location: SC
Author 151
Location: NY
and that was a scene..she just stared at me dripping and stunned.
Location: NY
Author 164
Location: CT
But i could see in her eyes a growing excitement.
Location: CT
Author 109
Location: NY
She wanted me to throw her down on the tarmac and climb on top of her.
Location: NY
Author 63
Location: MA
it struck me as odd that at this moment she would fail to recall that i dont enjoy being on top.
Location: MA
Author 137
Location: ME
the passion that had been there the night before, when she had lain in his arms within the labyrinth and whispered in his ear that
Location: ME
Author 120
Location: AZ
and said, live for the moment darlings!
Location: AZ
Author 136
Location: MI
This was their new moto now that
Location: MI
Author 134
Location: TX
the damage was done
Location: TX
Author 188
Location: NY
because of course a lobotomy is irreversible
Location: NY
Author 183
Location: CA
at least that's what they said...is that what they said?
Location: CA
Author 48
Location: NY
They said it, but did they mean it?
Location: NY
Author 130
Location: CA
Of course they meant it.
Location: CA
Author 127
Location: FL
Indeed, they couldn't have possibly been more sincere as they shared their feelings about one another.
Location: FL
Author 121
Location: OH
a more comlete sense of satisfaction had never been felt by any of the parties.
Location: OH
Author 209
Location: OR
except for the ashen faced Milo, eidologist and conrtant naysayer.
Location: OR
Author 58
Location: NY
The traffic on west broadway was excruciating
Location: NY
Author 150
Location: NJ
but even worse was watching the guy in the Volvo next to me with his finger up his nose digging for gold.
Location: NJ
Author 70
Location: UT
cause we all know men who drive volvos only have one thing on their minds... Safety.
Location: UT
Author 165
Location: CA
(burp), excuse me, as I was saying, they have one thing on their mind.
Location: CA
Author 186
Location: TX
mind. Needless to say the monkey didn't think that the flowers were particularly that great, so proceeded to eat them.
Location: TX
Author 79
Location: SC
but he didnt care about the monkey anymore so he got he got his bow and arrow and eliminated the problem
Location: SC
Author 152
Location: NY
marmoset, 3 swim fins, 2 for himself & 1 for
Location: NY
Author 69
Location: OH
Lonie who the game keeper won't let out of the
Location: OH
Author 85
Location: CA
fart
Location: CA
Author 57
Location: NY
and he wasn't ashamed about it either; natural functions were meant be shared in the company of family, friends, and royalty.
Location: NY
Author 73
Location: GA
the norm after a sex change.
Location: GA
Author 204
Location: NC
but she/he was not anticipating the difficulties associated with altering lingerie and was forced to invest in a rather expensive seamstress.
Location: NC
Author 139
Location: CA
putting their legs up in the air and making
Location: CA
Author 113
Location: CA
sweet sweet sex... They decided this was the most perfect memory.
Location: CA
Author 74
Location: OH
as she rolled over and surveyed the scene she noticed things were not as they seemed
Location: OH
Author 186
Location: TX
often forget. Like my mind. I often forget my mind i thought, or did i, i forgot.
Location: TX
Author 172
Location: NJ
what the was i talking about again o yea sometimes i forget
Location: NJ
Author 205
Location: CA
And then the sharp intake of breath as the memories flood back painfully...
Location: CA
Author 216
Location: NY
The recollection of a stalled conversation, a horribly failed attempt at courting a trophy he never should have pursued.
Location: NY
Author 143
Location: CA
it drifted through the air like lead.
Location: CA
Author 197
Location: CA
and it touched my nose with a charming grace
Location: CA
Author 204
Location: NC
but it was cold and prongy, like a used spork.
Location: NC
Author 191
Location: MN
So I put on my sunscreen and my teeny tiniest bikini, and set off for work.
Location: MN
Author 23
Location: NY
off for the Aussie outback with my dog skipper.
Location: NY
Author 203
Location: MN
Little Did We Know, The Captain Had A Cold.
Location: MN
Author 90
Location: FL
=is it me, or you getting that gilligans island feeling about this trip?
Location: FL
Author 143
Location: CA
she looked out into the darkness.
Location: CA
Author 108
Location: NY
and wondered if shed landed in a deserted theme park
Location: NY
Author 79
Location: SC
but she quickly shook off, straightened her skirt, and put on a smile to knock him dead.
Location: SC
Author 79
Location: SC
but she quickly shook off, straightened her skirt, and put on a smile to knock him dead.
Location: SC
Author 149
Location: FL
cheap smile, the kind you screw on in the morning when you don't want to
Location: FL
Author 164
Location: CT
But this morning it got screwed on a little funky.
Location: CT
Author 149
Location: FL
it required a new discipline, one that cared about personal hygiene
Location: FL
Author 200
Location: PA
And if it was implemented then wearing clothes anywhere would simply be optional.
Location: PA
Author 183
Location: CA
seem pretty ridiculous considering everything that had happened already
Location: CA
Author 166
Location: MD
and yet the calling was to persevere. There was no other option.
Location: MD
Author 96
Location: FL
Sometimes I wish I could just give in and allow myself to fail.
Location: FL
Author 64
Location: OH
Mais no, I won't, je suis plus forte and simply too strong to fail!
Location: OH
Author 84
Location: NC
The words keep tumbling in my head, not giving me a moment's rest.
Location: NC
Author 153
Location: CA
respite from the cruelty of their truth which washed over me like a wave that was tidal in scope.
Location: CA
Author 160
Location: WA
I leaned back in my chair and surveyed the room.
Location: WA
Author 200
Location: PA
The little koalas were definitely not getting along with the cats
Location: PA
Author 89
Location: NJ
A small teardrop of blood formed in the eye of the smallest koala
Location: NJ
Author 219
Location: GA
it dripped gracefully down, creating a crimson splash onto the lush surroundings
Location: GA
Author 190
Location: NY
end of my long thick hard
Location: NY
Author 151
Location: NY
yard of ship rope, reeking of rank seawater.
Location: NY
Author 109
Location: NY
It was tied tightly around his neck and it was hard to tell if he had been strangled to death or drowned.
Location: NY
Author 204
Location: NC
it was an accessory or something more ominous- a dog collar, a noose, or worse.
Location: NC
Author 175
Location: AL
a red dog collar tattooed on her upper thigh.
Location: AL
Author 113
Location: CA
It was enough to turn any man on
Location: CA
Author 79
Location: SC
But nothing could really get to me tonight after what i had been through.
Location: SC
Author 144
Location: TX
Life was holding the electric, ozone charge of a coming storm.
Location: TX
Author 117
Location: NY
and then the storm fueled her rage until she popped.
Location: NY
Author 198
Location: CA
Like poor violet beauregard-- what a mess!
Location: CA
Author 87
Location: OH
now whatever would she do with the curtains ?
Location: OH
Author 218
Location: NE
Perhaps a toga, or maybe a lean-to?
Location: NE
Author 189
Location: IL
"Why don't I ever learn?"
Location: IL
Author 101
Location: NY
he's just not a good guy
Location: NY
Author 218
Location: NE
in fact, he's often referred to as something that rhymes with mocktucker.
Location: NE
Author 69
Location: OH
which to me stands for Moomie which could also mean
Location: OH
Author 23
Location: NY
fuck you you fuckin fuck!
Location: NY
Author 13
Location: NY
certainly showed quite a bit on anger
Location: NY
Author 202
Location: NY
But still the bunny was too cute to be ignored.
Location: NY
Author 60
Location: MI
so, i did what anyone else in my position would, i ate it.
Location: MI
Author 104
Location: TX
As soon as it touched my lips i knew it was a mistake.
Location: TX
Author 133
Location: NJ
That knowledge, however, failed to stop me from giving falecio that Vanessa del Rio aspired to.
Location: NJ
Author 143
Location: CA
I sank to my knees, embracing the roughness of the cold cement beneath my skin.
Location: CA
Author 182
Location: NJ
the night had taken a turn for the worse.
Location: NJ
Author 1
Location: NY
the half eaten bunny dribbled from my mouth.
Location: NY
Author 195
Location: OH
and as I sat in the garden, a half eaten bunny in one hand, I realized what I had to do.
Location: OH
Author 78
Location: PA
I was thankful the bunny was chocolate; at least that would make things easier.
Location: PA
Author 212
Location: MI
Still, I didn't like the thought of rabbit with my morning coffee.
Location: MI
Author 87
Location: OH
the fur ends up making the cream clot
Location: OH
Author 187
Location: IL
and then you need to use a fork and knife
Location: IL
Author 204
Location: NC
which may seem unusual,but ogres often have very good table manners.
Location: NC
Author 216
Location: NY
but they have poor comic timing, which led to an uncomfortable evening for everyone but hannah, who was listening to Hole on her ipod the entire evening
Location: NY
Author 64
Location: OH
to an embarassing silence followed by tittering and twittering like schoolgirls.
Location: OH
Author 10
Location: VA
This was even more humiliating than that time with the turtle.
Location: VA
Author 204
Location: NC
how was I supposed to know that it was socially unacceptable to bring him to the black tie event?
Location: NC
Author 77
Location: DC
ask a man back to my apartment. I still don't agree that it is unacceptable.
Location: DC
Author 218
Location: NE
then again, I was once a blow-up doll.
Location: NE
Author 178
Location: CA
In other previous incarnations I had been a Sioux princess, a platypus, an albino Gypsy, and the Dean of African Textiles at Santa Monica Communit
Location: CA
Author 209
Location: OR
A potato, and woodrow wilson. my favorite was
Location: OR
Author 196
Location: CA
shaken, not stirred.
Location: CA
Author 200
Location: PA
But if you wish to drink without doing either its allowed.
Location: PA
Author 181
Location: TX
The alcohol is just meant to loosen up first timers and help you get ready to make the leap.
Location: TX
Author 48
Location: NY
First timers are a very rare species.
Location: NY
Author 191
Location: MN
But then, we are all first timers at some point; aren't we?
Location: MN
Author 131
Location: CA
she turned away in fear, for he always could read her like a book.
Location: CA
Author 137
Location: ME
ok- the Kama Sutra, that is. She wanted so badly to
Location: ME
Author 92
Location: TX
hear her name said aloud. she missed the
Location: TX
Author 2
Location: NY
harder, harder faster, she enjoyed him more each moment.
Location: NY
Author 149
Location: FL
with each swath of the mop the floor glistened with the sweat of a roofer in august.
Location: FL
Author 206
Location: CA
Of the poor soul wielding it with much difficulty.
Location: CA
Author 202
Location: NY
Although it had to be easier than pulling a sword from a stone.
Location: NY
Author 90
Location: FL
the holy grail is no more than "chain mail"
Location: FL
Author 64
Location: OH
and so I donned my favorites from the last Rennaisance Festival and headed to Thursday's to resume the hunt.
Location: OH
Author 190
Location: NY
and had a wild party
Location: NY
Author 191
Location: MN
When it was supposed to be a funeral for Mother Superior.
Location: MN
Author 48
Location: NY
Mother Superior's superiority was disputed by one man.
Location: NY
Author 64
Location: OH
The man who knew of the good mother's taste for sleazy internet porn.
Location: OH
Author 120
Location: AZ
and you know that will send him beyond the limit of ecstacy
Location: AZ
Author 152
Location: NY
but yet you hesitate. Years of memories crush
Location: NY
Author 101
Location: NY
me as I think of what we had
Location: NY
Author 189
Location: IL
I promised myself not to be sad!
Location: IL
Author 135
Location: CA
However, an incalcuable wave of morose washed over me at the mere mention of 7-11 nachos.
Location: CA
Author 119
Location: FL
Like a virulent japanese sword slicing through jellied flesh.
Location: FL
Author 96
Location: FL
It sliced its way delicately through her.
Location: FL
Author 65
Location: MI
Like a knife through warm butter.
Location: MI
Author 191
Location: MN
That is how quickly he sliced through my heart.
Location: MN
Author 146
Location: OK
like a hot knife thru butter
Location: OK
Author 88
Location: PA
Like a train through a stalled out station wagon. The amazing speed was what baffled all involved.
Location: PA
Author 144
Location: TX
The amazing sight burst over his retinas, an afterglow of noise.
Location: TX
Author 200
Location: PA
And yet noise, sound there was not.
Location: PA
Author 209
Location: OR
maybe sound would have been too much...the fauna was so garish, jolting violently around the scene, one could only imagine their wretched speech.
Location: OR
Author 121
Location: OH
He looked around and sobbed.
Location: OH
Author 88
Location: PA
The tears he shed were not bitter as they were sweetened by the knowledge that tomorrow, yes tomorrow, he would end this terror.
Location: PA
Author 2
Location: NY
rivers upon rivers. Wait. Wouldnt that just amount to a river?
Location: NY
Author 165
Location: CA
That is, of course, unless River Phoenix is upon the river.
Location: CA
Author 220
Location: TX
in which case huckleberry finn will need a bigger raft.
Location: TX
Author 134
Location: TX
And so it goes
Location: TX
Author 154
Location: TX
until it stops
Location: TX
Author 153
Location: CA
I will be handcuffed by the limits of my body's ability to produce adrenaline.
Location: CA
Author 204
Location: NC
and the handcuffs will be pink and shiny, and perhaps even furry!
Location: NC
Author 78
Location: PA
It's too bad, she thought, there won't be any use for them.
Location: PA
Author 191
Location: MN
But as she was throwing them into the dumpster, she suddenly remembered what her mother had always told her.
Location: MN
Author 48
Location: NY
The dumpster started shaking.
Location: NY
Author 135
Location: CA
All at once, i regretted the years i had spent in developing a species of giant cockroaches.
Location: CA
Author 146
Location: OK
degree in cooking
Location: OK
Author 216
Location: NY
when the hottest thing in site was a rotting habanero pepper.
Location: NY
Author 137
Location: ME
She sighed deeply and ordered a vodka martini-- and for good measuid
Location: ME
Author 137
Location: ME
She sighed deeply and ordered a vodka martini--and for good measure, a slice of chocolate cake. She was taking a bite when she saw with a shock that
Location: ME
Author 191
Location: MN
sure, ordered another.
Location: MN
Author 88
Location: PA
the next one was stiffer than the first and it stung going down. The first sign was lips going numb.
Location: PA
Author 64
Location: OH
God I love Grey Goose and I need some penicillin.
Location: OH
Author 133
Location: NJ
"we make it clap!"
Location: NJ
Author 69
Location: OH
first, and then after we do that we go down
Location: OH
Author 64
Location: OH
into the engine room, humming the tune from the same song by Mike Watt into kazoos.
Location: OH
Author 209
Location: OR
chael MacDonald, he began. 'knock knock'...
Location: OR
Author 120
Location: AZ
The glory of knowing that there was someone at the other side of the door to help me
Location: AZ
Author 115
Location: NY
F the brick wall, was that he wasn't alone in this new big city
Location: NY
Author 78
Location: PA
As Agent McGee drew his weapon, he was thankful to have his team behind him.
Location: PA
Author 146
Location: OK
nuclear bomb with him
Location: OK
Author 198
Location: CA
He held the fate of the world in his sweaty palms.
Location: CA
Author 217
Location: MD
As the man held the fate he started to panic
Location: MD
Author 209
Location: OR
Tears pressed behind his eyes, he blinked hard, took a full breath, and leapt forward...
Location: OR
Author 117
Location: NY
and began to line dance like he never line-danced before. Full of shameful passio he pressed on as the audience watched him...as she watched him.
Location: NY
Author 163
Location: CT
It felt great; he was elated
Location: CT
Author 58
Location: NY
and moist all over
Location: NY
Author 127
Location: FL
In fact, the flowers' petals were all moist from the morning dew.
Location: FL
Author 23
Location: NY
poop.
Location: NY
Author 136
Location: MI
I didn't know what to do after that so I just ran & screamed
Location: MI
Author 220
Location: TX
as i ran i finally came upon a washateria advertising free shoe shining with purchase.
Location: TX
Author 61
Location: IL
and what luck because i was missing my left shoe.
Location: IL
Author 223
Location: CA
and i suddenly got flashes of daniel day lewis running--so to speak--through my head.
Location: CA
Author 163
Location: CT
My only question was what was he running to?...or from?
Location: CT
Author 50
Location: NJ
I mean, it was too early for a burger and too late for pancakes, obviously.
Location: NJ
Author 87
Location: OH
it was precisely the time of night when a girl could get herself into real trouble; and trouble was in the air
Location: OH
Author 89
Location: NJ
it was precisely the time of night when a girl usually needs a herse, and this girl needed a herse.
Location: NJ
Author 1
Location: NY
but which corpse would be in the hearse?
Location: NY
Author 143
Location: CA
would it be the one she wanted dead?
Location: CA
Author 79
Location: SC
either way it would be good with her.
Location: SC
Author 80
Location: OH
but certainlynot with her mother
Location: OH
Author 65
Location: MI
definitly not her mother-get your mind out of the toilet!
Location: MI
Author 74
Location: OH
now lets get back to the task at hand, come over here and hand me that...
Location: OH
Author 194
Location: GA
me another bottle of spit
Location: GA
Author 205
Location: CA
I was completely disgusted.
Location: CA
Author 67
Location: PA
So i puked. line
Location: PA
Author 120
Location: AZ
which were the after effects of the sight i just witnessed
Location: AZ
Author 143
Location: CA
a sight that would change my universe forever.
Location: CA
Author 111
Location: NY
I realized I was holding my breath and I exhaled, slowly and silently.
Location: NY
Author 22
Location: NY
It felt good to be free.
Location: NY
Author 181
Location: TX
For years he dictated how to live my life.
Location: TX
Author 60
Location: MI
then i had a peaceful life when i divorced him
Location: MI
Author 48
Location: NY
I got half his money & carte blanche to fuck around.
Location: NY
Author 225
Location: NY
so i took it all and went on a major bender, in Vegas no less!
Location: NY
Author 226
Location: NY
and that will rap up this edition of eyewitness news.stay tuned for more on the lummox infestation in brooklyn.
Location: NY
Author 166
Location: MD
De
Location: MD
Author 220
Location: TX
Ad.
Location: TX
Author 136
Location: MI
vertising is so cool!
Location: MI
Author 149
Location: FL
it leaves a tingling feeling on the tongue
Location: FL
Author 157
Location: MI
like when pop rocks tickle the back of your throat or your friend cracks an egg on your head then runs their fingers down your back.
Location: MI
Author 197
Location: CA
thats when u know that youre in for a good time
Location: CA
Author 209
Location: OR
bring it on!
Location: OR
Author 225
Location: NY
That what she always says when shes looking for her lumox.
Location: NY
Author 117
Location: NY
She sighed. One of these days the anti-climatic nature of the job will have eaten a whole through his soul, like pacman.
Location: NY
Author 99
Location: WA
Will this ever go anywhere?
Location: WA
Author 67
Location: PA
the train seems to have stopped for good.
Location: PA
Author 10
Location: VA
I could tbll because the tracks ahead had been blown up.
Location: VA
Author 48
Location: NY
I put on my cape and got to work.
Location: NY
Author 99
Location: WA
Only minutes until the world as I knew it ended.
Location: WA
Author 151
Location: NY
just enough of a window to grab a bowl of tomato soup
Location: NY
Author 223
Location: CA
And nuthin says home like a nice, warm bowl of tomato soup.
Location: CA
Author 224
Location: CA
Ma used to make it with bread but she's gone now.
Location: CA
Author 204
Location: NC
it's a shame, because she was the last to know the real secret of Astoria park.
Location: NC
Author 196
Location: CA
and so it was
Location: CA
Author 62
Location: NJ
she knew there was nothing she could do.
Location: NJ
Author 210
Location: CA
her heart was broke so she went ahead anyway.
Location: CA
Author 90
Location: FL
moving to the mountains from the flatlands seemed logical.
Location: FL
Author 153
Location: CA
what I couldn't reconcile internally was the isolation that the mountains were sure to bring.
Location: CA
Author 225
Location: NY
I never did well on my own as it caused me to get lost in the shadows of my delusions.
Location: NY
Author 197
Location: CA
the madness of what my life was becoming
Location: CA
Author 133
Location: NJ
in sobriety was tame in comparison to my heroin and coke fueled decade of debauchery.
Location: NJ
Author 216
Location: NY
plushy phase.
Location: NY
Author 182
Location: NJ
it was all out of sorts.
Location: NJ
Author 150
Location: NJ
How can we figure out what went wrong??
Location: NJ
Author 67
Location: PA
Perhaps we'll never know, but it's something to ponder.
Location: PA
Author 196
Location: CA
a universal paradox.
Location: CA
Author 122
Location: MA
and where did that monkey go?
Location: MA
Author 115
Location: NY
the monkey on his back disappeared along with his wife.
Location: NY
Author 216
Location: NY
So for the time being, no one would be flinging poop at him, but no one would be fellating him either.
Location: NY
Author 137
Location: ME
He turned and to his surprise saw an elf striding toward him
Location: ME
Author 231
Location: NY
the elf giggled and multiplied his body a thousand time while singing "DMT is oh so nice, especially on ice!"
Location: NY
Author 117
Location: NY
biting the toes off of the village idiot.
Location: NY
Author 167
Location: CA
Which is not advisable unless one fries the toes in peanut oil first.
Location: CA
Author 229
Location: NY
but c'est la vie
Location: NY
Author 215
Location: NY
but then i realized that i hate the french.
Location: NY
Author 65
Location: MI
except for french fries - I love those!
Location: MI
Author 191
Location: MN
Especially in the morning with french toast and a bit of french hen.
Location: MN
Author 11
Location: NY
ch cooking lessons taught through the eyes of
Location: NY
Author 195
Location: OH
She said softly in his ear.
Location: OH
Author 69
Location: OH
what is that smell
Location: OH
Author 210
Location: CA
I think it is ass, feet and vinegar
Location: CA
Author 143
Location: CA
the view was worse than the smell.
Location: CA
Author 224
Location: CA
The stench lingered in my nostrils, but the image would scar my psyche.
Location: CA
Author 150
Location: NJ
even my warped mind. Oh, the horrors!
Location: NJ
Author 223
Location: CA
I'll never be clean again.
Location: CA
Author 1
Location: NY
i was annointed with the unholy melange.
Location: NY
Author 135
Location: CA
Unfortunately, one of the unholy ingredients was enoki mushroom essence, to which i had an immediate and most unfortunate physical reaction.
Location: CA
Author 87
Location: OH
i didnt know how to prepare it let alone eat it.
Location: OH
Author 80
Location: OH
it was a cold and gelatinous mess
Location: OH
Author 68
Location: OH
of monkfish.
Location: OH
Author 210
Location: CA
flesh eating monk fish
Location: CA
Author 208
Location: TN
eating my too oblong liver.
Location: TN
Author 22
Location: NY
i passed out soon after.
Location: NY
Author 74
Location: OH
when i came to i realized i was not alone
Location: OH
Author 69
Location: OH
As I looked to my right my hand went
Location: OH
Author 210
Location: CA
to perform its usual "stranger".
Location: CA
Author 146
Location: OK
she had to hold her breath
Location: OK
Author 230
Location: TX
as the waves beat her down.
Location: TX
Author 22
Location: NY
it reminded her of something from her childhood, but she couldn't quite remember what.
Location: NY
Author 208
Location: TN
barely maintain her desire not to urinate on herself.
Location: TN
Author 125
Location: MA
but she couldn't hold it and ruined her johdpurs.
Location: MA
Author 68
Location: OH
the horse bolted
Location: OH
Author 163
Location: CT
It ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran...
Location: CT
Author 194
Location: GA
all out of the litter box.
Location: GA
Author 69
Location: OH
And when Lilly came by and saw them they said
Location: OH
Author 216
Location: NY
'grrrl! Whatchu wearing to yom kippur services tomorrow?'
Location: NY
Author 137
Location: ME
"Oh, my leopard print catsuit. You?"
Location: ME
Author 67
Location: PA
"oh, just my 10 inch stripper heels with the fish inside. other than that, i dunno."
Location: PA
Author 132
Location: CA
That footprint-water-footprint-water pattern led me to my biggest clue.
Location: CA
Author 135
Location: CA
whipped cream and hot fudge topped ice cream sundae.
Location: CA
Author 191
Location: MN
Kind of my own 9 1/2 weeks; if you know what I mean.
Location: MN
Author 210
Location: CA
although personally I have always felt that 8 with a swift and not so messy departure works well too
Location: CA
Author 209
Location: OR
d pitiless pace is enough to do the joa.
Location: OR
Author 64
Location: OH
And do the job I will, if it's the last thing I do, I'll make him come.
Location: OH
Author 144
Location: TX
and make sure my reputation remains unblemished.
Location: TX
Author 230
Location: TX
even though i thrive off of reality tv.
Location: TX
Author 163
Location: CT
Oh well
Location: CT
Author 2
Location: NY
done steaks.
Location: NY
Author 132
Location: CA
I looked upon them with the longing knowledge that they could never again satiate my desires.
Location: CA
Author 204
Location: NC
but I knew that this kind of happiness would one day befall me as well- and we would spend the rest of our days eating banana pudding and drinking T
Location: NC
Author 226
Location: NY
I had always wanted a monkey named Frank!
Location: NY
Author 224
Location: CA
A good monkey can clean, cook, and give a fine back massage.
Location: CA
Author 23
Location: NY
We could also train the monkey to knife fight.
Location: NY
Author 67
Location: PA
Or we can just let him bang his cymbals.
Location: PA
Author 202
Location: NY
Although hopefully he will not try that in public again.
Location: NY
Author 191
Location: MN
Because I'm pretty sure it's illegal in most states.
Location: MN
Author 191
Location: MN
Although the punishment may just fit the crime.
Location: MN
Author 205
Location: CA
it would be interesting to see him go through the rest of his life without that appendage.
Location: CA
Author 58
Location: NY
career never knowing the truth about
Location: NY
Author 191
Location: MN
what it takes to make a marriage work.
Location: MN
Author 188
Location: NY
is a mystery to me, as I have never succeeded at it
Location: NY
Author 202
Location: NY
But maybe Roy Orbison will write a song about it.
Location: NY
Author 79
Location: SC
if not, it will just be lost forever.
Location: SC
Author 146
Location: OK
but not forgotten
Location: OK
Author 120
Location: AZ
but, yet forgiven
Location: AZ
Author 67
Location: PA
He felt an intense calm come over him.
Location: PA
Author 69
Location: OH
the experience waste something out
Location: OH
Author 57
Location: NY
Out, out, out of doors where the swallows swoop and the forest will swallow you whole.
Location: NY
Author 225
Location: NY
therein lies the home of the infamous whores
Location: NY
Author 64
Location: OH
, the Beverly Hills bordello, the home of the finest whores in the state.
Location: OH
Author 210
Location: CA
I ever played dominos with.
Location: CA
Author 90
Location: FL
saying lucky in dominoes is an understatement!
Location: FL
Author 166
Location: MD
If only he could be as lucky im something that would make her noticed
Location: MD
Author 133
Location: NJ
ruined for all men for life.
Location: NJ
Author 2
Location: NY
thus improving opportunities for womenfolk.
Location: NY
Author 191
Location: MN
Maybe someday they will even let women vote!
Location: MN
Author 111
Location: NY
She dared to dream.
Location: NY
Author 120
Location: AZ
and beyond her wildest expectations
Location: AZ
Author 2
Location: NY
you had to wonder what corrine would do next with penultimater.
Location: NY
Author 223
Location: CA
the possibilities were endless... Or so they seemed.
Location: CA
Author 230
Location: TX
but the clock was against her.
Location: TX
Author 225
Location: NY
So she ran like the wind, or more like Forest Gump.
Location: NY
Author 166
Location: MD
but unlike forest, she had a destination in mind.
Location: MD
Author 202
Location: NY
She would hope the next plane to Peru and woory about the carbon credits later.
Location: NY
Author 2
Location: NY
then wonder what would happen.
Location: NY
Author 57
Location: NY
Wonder, whose favorite subject is a ribbon in the sky, prays to Likufanele with a rain dance, but the god sees his efforts as a trifle -- laughing
Location: NY
Author 57
Location: NY
so hard that she cried.
Location: NY
Author 135
Location: CA
The odd thing being, her tears seemed to turn into v-8 juice as they trailed down her cheeks.
Location: CA
Author 67
Location: PA
Good thing i like my vegetables.
Location: PA
Author 157
Location: MI
Or the giant venomous butterflies would have probably dragged me to their queen, Madam Bonfire Blackheart.
Location: MI
Author 69
Location: OH
the parroted thru
Location: OH
Author 224
Location: CA
until it hit rock bottom.
Location: CA
Author 230
Location: TX
the outlook didnt seen so bad
Location: TX
Author 167
Location: CA
considering gas prices.
Location: CA
Author 188
Location: NY
we should all start stockpiling used fryer oil to power our diesel hybrids
Location: NY
Author 111
Location: NY
eadly weapons - after all, why not be green in times of war too?
Location: NY
Author 164
Location: CT
and the sentence was cut off... But
Location: CT
Author 144
Location: TX
he grabbed a spare bit of graphite and
Location: TX
Author 181
Location: TX
started to draw on the empty canvas with such conviction and tenacity as everyone turned to see the end result of his sweat and fervor
Location: TX
Author 101
Location: NY
passion it was moving to be a part of
Location: NY
Author 202
Location: NY
. Of course dictators and kittens often inspire passion.
Location: NY
Author 89
Location: NJ
but none was ever more inspiring than the man that stood before them in his kitten sweatshirt with the lace collar.
Location: NJ
Author 122
Location: MA
re and asked why
Location: MA
Author 64
Location: OH
did I feel compelled to keep looking for the perfect man?
Location: OH
Author 90
Location: FL
oh yeah, he's out there-an artist,i'm pretty sure hes an artist.
Location: FL
Author 194
Location: GA
Whore snobby as the day is long.
Location: GA
Author 133
Location: NJ
Yet she could not pronounce the things she bought-retail!
Location: NJ
Author 205
Location: CA
They had names like prada, ferragamo...
Location: CA
Author 144
Location: TX
and every single word hurt his soul.
Location: TX
Author 224
Location: CA
A man can only take so much pain in his life.
Location: CA
Author 127
Location: FL
Sometimes, bullets and whiskey are the only cure.
Location: FL
Author 154
Location: TX
when you must beg for redemption
Location: TX
Author 164
Location: CT
though it's for naught.
Location: CT
Author 69
Location: OH
We always said that when Lily went to
Location: OH
Author 144
Location: TX
the afterlife, she'd challenge Satan himself to a war of words.
Location: TX
Author 224
Location: CA
. Not words, mind you, but THE WORD.
Location: CA
Author 133
Location: NJ
PREGNANT. Us? How?!
Location: NJ
Author 204
Location: NC
I thought it would be impossible with the sex change operations we both had.
Location: NC
Author 188
Location: NY
but as we learned watching Oprah, trans-men can get pregnant if they don't me'ss with the interior plumbing.
Location: NY
Author 204
Location: NC
however the real question is, can they breast-feed?
Location: NC
Author 149
Location: FL
yes, but only with the use of a pump, dark beer and large quantities of fenugreek.
Location: FL
Author 191
Location: MN
quantities of tequila and nachos with very hot sauce.
Location: MN
Author 181
Location: TX
did not sit well in my stomach forcing me to feign sickness and duck out early.
Location: TX
Author 204
Location: NC
and heat stroke , so I fell to the ground in agony.
Location: NC
Author 135
Location: CA
Unfortunately for me, the ground was covered with thousands of really pissed off fire ants.
Location: CA
Author 89
Location: NJ
f tiny drops of blood from the leprechauns.
Location: NJ
Author 65
Location: MI
oh no
Location: MI
Author 120
Location: AZ
you think i am that I Am that stupid that I can't figure it out
Location: AZ
Author 69
Location: OH
ut, well let me tell you what Lily had
Location: OH
Author 210
Location: CA
to Craig the other night when no one else was listening
Location: CA
Author 2
Location: NY
a decent leather sofa for a hundred bucks was a bit unrealistic.
Location: NY
Author 137
Location: ME
but a hooker for that price was easy to find
Location: ME
Author 64
Location: OH
especially here in Amsterdam where there's a whore behind every red light.
Location: OH
Author 69
Location: OH
and if you could see the face she is
Location: OH
Author 144
Location: TX
alabaster, bone. A marble statue of flesh and blood.
Location: TX
Author 143
Location: CA
She circled the dead man, devistated.
Location: CA
Author 166
Location: MD
the reality of a death made her sick in a way no movie ever had.
Location: MD
Author 87
Location: OH
More over the loss felt so filling, which was unexpected .
Location: OH
Author 104
Location: TX
like a new york cheesecake.
Location: TX
Author 87
Location: OH
nothing says cheese cake like a wedge of aged swiss with a candle in it
Location: OH
Author 125
Location: MA
arton of cigarettes as the crust. It's smoked swiss.
Location: MA
Author 48
Location: NY
They didn't see the no smoking sign, by choice.
Location: NY
Author 230
Location: TX
the lights at the end of their butts glowed eeriely in the dark.
Location: TX
Author 101
Location: NY
dark night as they flew around frantically
Location: NY
Author 149
Location: FL
like the clueless executives who are trying to keep their jobs
Location: FL
Author 172
Location: NJ
After all thats been taking place you would think they would cut there losses.
Location: NJ
Author 183
Location: CA
would know the difference between love and lust - but still they were trapped in
Location: CA
Author 167
Location: CA
o this day she connects physical affection with love.
Location: CA
Author 57
Location: NY
But like the artist's confiteor, connections are sometimes missed; so she went on craigslist to try again.
Location: NY
Author 149
Location: FL
-staken, like when you speak to someone down at the local diner.
Location: FL
Author 69
Location: OH
ner whereas I would have said
Location: OH
Author 164
Location: CT
In the middle of a concert is no time to text.
Location: CT
Author 130
Location: CA
but you have to take chances sometimes
Location: CA
Author 19
Location: NY
if you want that rental parrot to work out
Location: NY
Author 120
Location: AZ
you must teach it to speak
Location: AZ
Author 113
Location: CA
or else it will not be able to help itself.
Location: CA
Author 166
Location: MD
that will force the decision-live in the shadow or grow up.
Location: MD
Author 137
Location: ME
those were the last words he ever spoke to her, and she would never forget them
Location: ME
Author 133
Location: NJ
replay them endlessly in her mind like a mantra, making more of them than they were.
Location: NJ
Author 48
Location: NY
A toad leaped from a nearby vase causing her to scream.
Location: NY
Author 166
Location: MD
the toad was the sign she had been praying for.
Location: MD
Author 160
Location: WA
She bent down and kissed its head.
Location: WA
Author 89
Location: NJ
its head was "Baby Gap " small in size.
Location: NJ
Author 167
Location: CA
which was surprising considering the girth and size of the rest of its body.
Location: CA
Author 164
Location: CT
ctum and yet it hurt.
Location: CT
Author 205
Location: CA
I would never get over what they had done to me...
Location: CA
Author 164
Location: CT
But i knew if i tried i could one day feel whole again.
Location: CT
Author 111
Location: NY
So I went.
Location: NY
Author 58
Location: NY
overboard to retrieve
Location: NY
Author 89
Location: NJ
the sleeping dog.
Location: NJ
Author 205
Location: CA
and, suddenly, startled, he awoke.
Location: CA
Author 181
Location: TX
to find the he was not completely alone in the darkness of his room.
Location: TX
Author 223
Location: CA
s imagination
Location: CA
Author 204
Location: NC
was more out of control than a surfer on acid
Location: NC
Author 210
Location: CA
his life had become "Point Break".
Location: CA
Author 205
Location: CA
While it had been profitable, he was ready to get out.
Location: CA
Author 137
Location: ME
He missed her; everything about her
Location: ME
Author 150
Location: NJ
was rotten to the core yet he was longing for her touch just the same.
Location: NJ
Author 133
Location: NJ
once more to remember that a love like theirs still existed, though not so long ago, the memories were more like a dream compared to this person he
Location: NJ
Author 133
Location: NJ
once more to remember that a love like theirs still existed, though not so long ago, the memories were more like a dream compared to this person he
Location: NJ
Author 64
Location: OH
and to pay homage.
Location: OH
Author 204
Location: NC
you should leave a voicemail.
Location: NC
Author 1
Location: NY
or at least a box of chocolates!
Location: NY
Author 205
Location: CA
surely, she was worth that!
Location: CA
Author 205
Location: CA
surely, she was worth that!
Location: CA
Author 69
Location: OH
But if you think she was worth less then why
Location: OH
Author 95
Location: NY
would you keep returning her time & again.
Location: NY
Author 64
Location: OH
I mean she is worth every return, isn't she.
Location: OH
Author 167
Location: CA
It would be great if all librarians had her flare.
Location: CA
Author 208
Location: TN
On the other hand, it does seem peculiar that for one so illuminated and full of erudition to have such an ugly, dark face.
Location: TN
Author 1
Location: NY
i still love you, in spite of the herpes.
Location: NY
Author 48
Location: NY
She lied.
Location: NY
Author 57
Location: NY
And not a white one either.
Location: NY
Author 224
Location: CA
White is the color of clouds, but blood runs red.
Location: CA
Author 69
Location: OH
blue is the color of the sky and the color of Lilys
Location: OH
Author 208
Location: TN
It is also the dreary feeling I have after writting a sentence as bad as that last one.
Location: TN
Author 113
Location: CA
and the losing all my thoughts
Location: CA
Author 205
Location: CA
they just flew out of my head like a 747 headed to Dallas...
Location: CA
Author 210
Location: CA
and I was able buy the new iPod
Location: CA
Author 166
Location: MD
THis may seem like a small accomplishment, but it is a major step to my dream.
Location: MD
Author 181
Location: TX
step towards embarking on her journey and changing her life for the better
Location: TX
Author 132
Location: CA
from the depths of her stomach, she cried
Location: CA
Author 197
Location: CA
and it was then she knew that her love life would never be the same
Location: CA
Author 204
Location: NC
her personal life had been destroyed beyond repair, just like her grandmothers china plates she threw at his head as he callously left her apartment.
Location: NC
Author 194
Location: GA
an ant crushed by an elephant.
Location: GA
Author 163
Location: CT
Aw poor ant
Location: CT
Author 210
Location: CA
I knew him well
Location: CA
Author 166
Location: MD
that is, i knew his work habits and taste in food and friends but not what he was running from or working so hard to achieve.
Location: MD
Author 13
Location: NY
we were certaintly a good match
Location: NY
Author 80
Location: OH
but we had never connected in any important way.
Location: OH
Author 1
Location: NY
it didn't help that gerald was a lousy lay.
Location: NY
Author 210
Location: CA
our chances at the backgammon tournament were already doomed
Location: CA
Author 202
Location: NY
But in cribbage we still stood a chance, if only Wainright arrived in time.
Location: NY
Author 205
Location: CA
we would do our very best.
Location: CA
Author 167
Location: CA
as would anyone under these circumstances.
Location: CA
Author 146
Location: OK
but im not just anyone
Location: OK
Author 166
Location: MD
i am whoever you need me to be.
Location: MD
Author 208
Location: TN
Well, except a good lover.
Location: TN
Author 137
Location: ME
She sighed and reached for the phone to text her leprauchan friend Bob
Location: ME
Author 89
Location: NJ
an club. the meeting was tomorrow and she had nothing to wear.
Location: NJ
Author 69
Location: OH
so she called Lilly to see if she still had the beautiful black Chanel svit that
Location: OH
Author 233
Location: IL
pimple
Location: IL
Author 57
Location: NY
, popping and full of puss.
Location: NY
Author 166
Location: MD
she took a deep breath, grabbed a towel a pressed down hard.
Location: MD
Author 48
Location: NY
The towel broke in two.
Location: NY
Author 144
Location: TX
And all was lost.
Location: TX
Author 223
Location: CA
... Or so they thought.
Location: CA
Author 120
Location: AZ
but then the other shoe dropped
Location: AZ
Author 57
Location: NY
despite it's owner being almost positive that he had double-knotted it.
Location: NY
Author 194
Location: GA
cereal
Location: GA
Author 69
Location: OH
and bananas are the best breakfast
Location: OH
Author 67
Location: PA
But Cheerios are good too.
Location: PA
Author 57
Location: NY
So Porfirio De Largo bought a quart of milk, making sure it was organic, and lamenting the hefty price tag -- caused of course by soaring gas prices
Location: NY
Author 69
Location: OH
Deers
Location: OH
Author 48
Location: NY
frolick like leprechauns my child.
Location: NY
Author 167
Location: CA
Those little rascals know how to have a good time.
Location: CA
Author 225
Location: NY
And by rascals i mean lumoxes.
Location: NY
Author 234
Location: CA
(Lumoxes are the national animal of Moxembourg.)
Location: CA
Author 69
Location: OH
Ive always wondered what a lumoxe was
Location: OH
Author 218
Location: NE
It had me flummoxed forever.
Location: NE
Author 225
Location: NY
I hate being flummoxed so i took matters into my own hands.
Location: NY
Author 210
Location: CA
I marched into that dr's office with me middle management status and told her what was up!
Location: CA
Author 120
Location: AZ
knowing good and well that i deserved the attention
Location: AZ
Author 1
Location: NY
being a middle manager was so emmasculating!
Location: NY
Author 197
Location: CA
it made me feel like my manhood was being taken away. bit by bit
Location: CA
Author 57
Location: NY
bit, morsel by morsel; the piranhas of age nibbling away my vitality, my mojo.
Location: NY
Author 87
Location: OH
not that i didnt like to be nibbled, but i struggled with the destruction part of it.
Location: OH
Author 153
Location: CA
Hot sweet fairly fetid breath that was circulating around my nose and ear.
Location: CA
Author 204
Location: NC
It was putrid and beautiful at the same time and I just couldnt handle it.
Location: NC
Author 217
Location: MD
In swimming in the pool
Location: MD
Author 191
Location: MN
sans suit, of course.
Location: MN
Author 202
Location: NY
Bien sur! Unless the suit was seersucker. Then it would be a whole other story.
Location: NY
Author 146
Location: OK
the perfect suit for my date
Location: OK
Author 87
Location: OH
if only i could find a good bowler hat and cane so as to give off the right impression.
Location: OH
Author 234
Location: CA
my finest burlesque performance! Bring on the sequins!
Location: CA
Author 167
Location: CA
who can top that?
Location: CA
Author 163
Location: CT
I can!
Location: CT
Author 65
Location: MI
do everything in the world including winning gold in the olympics - go 8-8-08!!
Location: MI
Author 149
Location: FL
-pics or driving a tractor
Location: FL
Author 69
Location: OH
Whatever comes
Location: OH
Author 181
Location: TX
will certainly be a surprise
Location: TX
Author 144
Location: TX
Then again, the clown was, too.
Location: TX
Author 101
Location: NY
scary I wanted to run the other way
Location: NY
Author 210
Location: CA
and I did finally get away
Location: CA
Author 202
Location: NY
But falling down the rabbit hole, as I did, might not have been any better a fate.
Location: NY
Author 163
Location: CT
Oh well, there were other ways to spend my day.
Location: CT
Author 224
Location: CA
I headed off to the mall, this time wearing pants.
Location: CA
Author 89
Location: NJ
poop on a pickle. pants suck.
Location: NJ
Author 186
Location: TX
to get rid of ur skid marks, i hung ur pants on my wall with my picture of Andy's War Hole.
Location: TX
Author 120
Location: AZ
but i certainly know how to wing it
Location: AZ
Author 231
Location: NY
with clarity like the swift cut of a knife
Location: NY
Author 164
Location: CT
And patience of a serial killer in rush hour traffic.
Location: CT
Author 87
Location: OH
she tried to catch her breath, but then again she had been trying for days now with little success.
Location: OH
Author 166
Location: MD
troubled by the voices screaming her name.
Location: MD
Author 225
Location: NY
She began flashing everyone with the bird.
Location: NY
Author 183
Location: CA
Which is better than flashing her breasts like last week.
Location: CA
Author 1
Location: NY
she was mortified when no one noticed.
Location: NY
Author 231
Location: NY
When will they notice? Really! When? What's a girl got to do ? It's just not right, no, no, notice Me!
Location: NY
Author 121
Location: OH
the blood thirsty koalas would not be appeased so easily.
Location: OH
Author 57
Location: NY
Because eucalyptus filled with blood was hard to find, if not impossible.
Location: NY
Author 235
Location: NC
if not impossible, but she knew where to find it on the highest mountain peak, juicing with blood.
Location: NC
Author 202
Location: NY
I mean, if a 33 year old gymnast could win an Olympic medal anything was possible.
Location: NY
Author 67
Location: PA
a 58 year-old astronaut should be able to go into space, right?
Location: PA
Author 210
Location: CA
as long as there is Centrum Silver in the pod
Location: CA
Author 137
Location: ME
she would always love him
Location: ME
Author 149
Location: FL
even if he only had one eyebrow and no toes
Location: FL
Author 204
Location: NC
his deformities were still icredibly sexy possibly because he also had fiery red hair.
Location: NC
Author 135
Location: CA
was misshapened in an extremely useful way
Location: CA
Author 67
Location: PA
It was shaped like a pumpkin!
Location: PA
Author 101
Location: NY
It made me nervous but I pursued it anyway
Location: NY
Author 208
Location: TN
Upon catching it, by golly, I was shocked into a state of apoplexy.
Location: TN
Author 121
Location: OH
it was a crumpled horn snarglack!
Location: OH
Author 89
Location: NJ
And right then, I knew it was love.
Location: NJ
Author 69
Location: OH
Lily
Location: OH
Author 120
Location: AZ
lily, lily whatever are we going to do
Location: AZ
Author 194
Location: GA
with this basket i found over here?
Location: GA
Author 67
Location: PA
Precisely,with said basket.
Location: PA
Author 210
Location: CA
Jump in it and come along for the ride.
Location: CA
Author 89
Location: NJ
it would be the best decision for all of us.
Location: NJ
Author 133
Location: NJ
though none of us would come to see it as such for some time.
Location: NJ
Author 197
Location: CA
but there was always a chance that the little monkey with the symbols would come back.
Location: CA
Author 121
Location: OH
he was very brave.
Location: OH
Author 89
Location: NJ
And hot
Location: NJ
Author 211
Location: CA
The hot heat left the two girls nude as they began to passionately kiss one another. Neither of them wanted this magic night of pleasure to end.
Location: CA
Author 234
Location: CA
'ately make pasta.
Location: CA
Author 67
Location: PA
Yum, spaghetti!
Location: PA
Author 146
Location: OK
and garlic bread too
Location: OK
Author 1
Location: NY
all put in a blender and then sipped thru a straw.
Location: NY
Author 164
Location: CT
'The best frog leg soup i've had in years,' she said.
Location: CT
Author 87
Location: OH
there is nothing like the feeling of frogs legs down my gullet!
Location: OH
Author 235
Location: NC
oh what a feeling
Location: NC
Author 210
Location: CA
fuck no, pick another song on the jukebox
Location: CA
Author 164
Location: CT
she put Journey on the jukebox.
Location: CT
Author 164
Location: CT
she put Journey on the jukebox.
Location: CT
Author 90
Location: FL
AND THE FUN BEGAN!
Location: FL
Author 87
Location: OH
soon i was covered in Confetti and eating ice cream; the way it should be.
Location: OH
Author 191
Location: MN
life was meant to be.
Location: MN
Author 69
Location: OH
I am off for the next five days so I will make time to
Location: OH
Author 163
Location: CT
have my laundry done
Location: CT
Author 89
Location: NJ
to a crunchy and tasty finish.
Location: NJ
Author 1
Location: NY
manicure plus cuisine, what a great racket!
Location: NY
Author 183
Location: CA
but really she was thinking about tomorrow.
Location: CA
Author 69
Location: OH
then tomorrow came and nothing was as planned
Location: OH
Author 216
Location: NY
the morning air had a new smell, and my head had a weightlessness that scared and thrilled me
Location: NY
Author 231
Location: NY
air, Let The Sunshine In!
Location: NY
Author 137
Location: ME
And with that, she tore off her clothes
Location: ME
Author 58
Location: NY
put the the ball in her mouth and tore down the street
Location: NY
Author 146
Location: OK
as fast as he could
Location: OK
Author 133
Location: NJ
he ran after her to stop her from getting in that cab.
Location: NJ
Author 204
Location: NC
he knew that once she entered the plush interior of that off-duty black town car, she'd never come back to his plain yellow cab.
Location: NC
Author 90
Location: FL
this was going to be an adventure in extravagance
Location: FL
Author 57
Location: NY
This was going to hurt.
Location: NY
Author 117
Location: NY
i will never look at sporks the same.
Location: NY
Author 164
Location: CT
But I will always love to eat from them.
Location: CT
Author 89
Location: NJ
they were healthy and crunchy.
Location: NJ
Author 183
Location: CA
like every cereal bar should be.
Location: CA
Author 113
Location: CA
it was great
Location: CA
Author 202
Location: NY
but there was still the question of what to do with the pregnant teenager
Location: NY
Author 208
Location: TN
But then I figured it out: I should learn how to spell it correctly.
Location: TN
Author 234
Location: CA
rectly, especially if visions of me passionately sucking them swirled in my thoughts...
Location: CA
Author 69
Location: OH
would make you want to throw up.
Location: OH
Author 204
Location: NC
if you were an alcoholic, no worries- you're used to it.
Location: NC
Author 146
Location: OK
Samething with a drug addict
Location: OK
Author 87
Location: OH
they are always looking to hook you up and them take a nap, which really isnt a bad life.
Location: OH
Author 133
Location: NJ
but that's how dope drifters do.
Location: NJ
Author 191
Location: MN
In a parallel universe, anyway.
Location: MN
Author 133
Location: NJ
the one we'd all like 2 live in, where regret doesn't exist.
Location: NJ
Author 89
Location: NJ
like the monkey who regrets not pushing random buttons.
Location: NJ
Author 87
Location: OH
more often than not, the best attitudes come from personification of animals.
Location: OH
Author 224
Location: CA
And my tude was kickin now.
Location: CA
Author 146
Location: OK
having all kinds of silly rhyms
Location: OK
Author 69
Location: OH
ryme's that make you feel
Location: OH
Author 69
Location: OH
like your toes are curling in your boots.
Location: OH
Author 234
Location: CA
What's worse is when your boots are full of Jell-O and your toes squish around in it.
Location: CA
Author 191
Location: MN
toes are diabetic.
Location: MN
Author 57
Location: NY
Taryn Kapronica's toe got cut off in an air guitar competition.
Location: NY
Author 149
Location: FL
n what is the world coming to if this is considered news. I hate a 24 hour news cycle.
Location: FL
Author 164
Location: CT
Vote Obama!
Location: CT
Author 120
Location: AZ
yea baby! vote obama
Location: AZ
Author 202
Location: NY
But still we need to gaurd against the barbarians at the gate.
Location: NY
Author 234
Location: CA
because last time, they stole my car and I found it in a parking lot with empty bags of Doritos and sleeping hookers.
Location: CA
Author 64
Location: OH
with used condoms and tissues lying outside.
Location: OH
Author 208
Location: TN
Few of the condoms had been properly used, and were torn.
Location: TN
Author 137
Location: ME
Clearly a good time had been had by all
Location: ME
Author 164
Location: CT
If only the cute brunette from around the corner had come.
Location: CT
Author 1
Location: NY
she was classy, not like those harridans.
Location: NY
Author 209
Location: OR
nor was she particularly sassy...she was much too tired for that.
Location: OR
Author 208
Location: TN
tickling others' sense of fun.
Location: TN
Author 202
Location: NY
Fun is always relative, of course, but tickling almost always works.
Location: NY
Author 57
Location: NY
induced in her mild nausea ever since a childhood food poisoning incident (bad clams).
Location: NY
Author 204
Location: NC
it was those damn avocados- they get me everytime.
Location: NC
Author 234
Location: CA
Next time you're at your local county fair, try a deep fried avocado!
Location: CA
Author 191
Location: MN
anything.
Location: MN
Author 164
Location: CT
or nothing.
Location: CT
Author 121
Location: OH
So thats what she did.
Location: OH
Author 64
Location: OH
She took out her slingshot and taught that possum a lesson.
Location: OH
Author 133
Location: NJ
there'd long been a war between her and all woodland creatures.
Location: NJ
Author 234
Location: CA
s. Exhibit A: the case file of the Bambi tragedy.
Location: CA
Author 164
Location: CT
The jury reviewed Exhibit A carefully.
Location: CT
Author 166
Location: MD
a member of the jury was shocked to see the item was identical to one that had been stolen from her house.
Location: MD
Author 90
Location: FL
but the jury was already decided-evidence be damned!
Location: FL
Author 183
Location: CA
Now she would never see her daughter again - what fresh hell is this?
Location: CA
Author 146
Location: OK
thats so sad
Location: OK
Author 234
Location: CA
God, I miss Grandma...
Location: CA
Author 224
Location: CA
God, I miss my sexy aunt even more.
Location: CA
Author 133
Location: NJ
Thank God my Uncle is at Club Fed.
Location: NJ
Author 215
Location: NY
at least now he wont be able to touch me.
Location: NY
Author 234
Location: CA
Kinda reminds me of my uncle...
Location: CA
Author 208
Location: TN
My habit of shortly wondering about my family is itself a type of avuncular tribute to the man.
Location: TN
Author 133
Location: NJ
typical behavior of an egomaniac.
Location: NJ
Author 101
Location: NY
he ignored her and went on pretending like he'd find someone better
Location: NY
Author 121
Location: OH
monkeys are so like that.
Location: OH
Author 133
Location: NJ
they throw shit everywhere.
Location: NJ
Author 90
Location: FL
i gotta get out of this monkey house!
Location: FL
Author 164
Location: CT
But i'm taking the monkeys with me!
Location: CT
Author 87
Location: OH
you cant leave the office without your monkey
Location: OH
Author 224
Location: CA
and you can't leave your monkey without his bud.
Location: CA
Author 117
Location: NY
So put the monkey in a cage or tie it to a tree.
Location: NY