addie and lots of coffee.

New York is an exhausting place for me.

I've been back in the city for about a month now and I feel like I've been awake for the whole month. When Midori said you would live at school once it started, she wasn't kidding. Its hard to leave and no matter how late you stay, someone always wants to know your reason for going home.

The floor is amazing, and the people here are brilliant and funny and extremely driven but I'm realizing this place isn't reality for those of us who will be leaving in two short years. Maybe I'm scared or a control freak or just worried about ending up homeless under the bridges trying to explain to the Stafford people why I can't pay them back the 385943583498573498754395739075398 dollars I owe them.

I've been struggling a lot with the fear of working a 'real' job while here, and how I will miss out on everything that school is going to be about. Although, I know, I also have a reality to deal with that others who are choosing to live through different means don't have to think about.

I need a job.
I'm just not sure how to do it all.

I'm not looking for a pity party but the 7am alarm clock and the 2am bedtime (on a good night) just aren't going to mix for much longer. My migraines are coming back and I've pretty much been sick since I got here.

I want to be super women, but I haven't managed to find the secret just yet.